Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Randomize
