I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
