3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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