Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
