I CAN MOONWALK!
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
