omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
