put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize