I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Randomize
