I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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