Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I've blown a few things in my day
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
