Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I touched a dick in church today
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
