i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
