im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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