a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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