She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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