I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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