end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
