so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
