my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Randomize
