i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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