i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
