i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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