had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
