it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
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