My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
