a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
