my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I am naked and annoyed.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
