i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
