guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
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