you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
