Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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