D3 body, D1 cock
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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