Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
