So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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