I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
