Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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