I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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