lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
