I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Watching her eat just hurts me
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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