Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
