Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
