how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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