I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
