So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
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i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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