The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
