You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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