U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
