We're like a lot better than the average bears
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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