And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
