Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
