If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
