they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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