i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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