We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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