he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
