Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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