You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
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