Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(972): View more from Texas

What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?

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(972): What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard? http://tfl.nu/a8hs

Replies (1) Good night (935) Bad night (1232)
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(818): View more from California

Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.

(818): View more from California

Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.

(818): View more from California

And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.

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(818): Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week. (818): Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks. (818): And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it. http://tfl.nu/ncbc

Replies (14) Good night (3544) Bad night (731)
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(313): View more from Michigan

I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.

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(313): I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex. http://tfl.nu/ugby

Replies (21) Good night (6220) Bad night (1276)
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(907): View more from Alaska

I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.

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(907): I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer. http://tfl.nu/7gfq

Replies (13) Good night (3937) Bad night (1128)
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(517): View more from Michigan

Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?

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(517): Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much? http://tfl.nu/63ru

Replies (10) Good night (3323) Bad night (939)
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(254): View more from Texas

Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."

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(254): Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen." http://tfl.nu/2yxx

Replies (11) Good night (4249) Bad night (1340)
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(815): View more from Illinois

He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.

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(815): He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background. http://tfl.nu/8wbf

Replies (5) Good night (686) Bad night (1840)
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(765): View more from Indiana

is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?

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(765): is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible? http://tfl.nu/u49w

Replies (14) Good night (684) Bad night (2218)
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(541): View more from Oregon

Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.

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(541): Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk. http://tfl.nu/effc

Replies (6) Good night (1109) Bad night (674)
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(931): View more from Tennessee

Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night

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(931): Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night http://tfl.nu/chyx

Replies (8) Good night (817) Bad night (1496)
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(401): View more from Rhode Island

Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde

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(401): Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde http://tfl.nu/uiul

Replies (6) Good night (1439) Bad night (619)
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(651): View more from Minnesota

I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway

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(651): I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway http://tfl.nu/e0rj

Replies (2) Good night (1379) Bad night (519)
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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.

(281): View more from Texas

i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.

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(832): i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice. (281): i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building. http://tfl.nu/bxit

Replies (2) Good night (823) Bad night (543)
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(502): View more from Kentucky

just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!

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(502): just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year! http://tfl.nu/390j

Replies (13) Good night (506) Bad night (1318)
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(915): View more from Texas

Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.

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(915): Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist. http://tfl.nu/1ory

Replies (1) Good night (532) Bad night (296)

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