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Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
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