im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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