How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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