im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
