you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Randomize
