hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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