so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
