i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
